


Night Vale Holiday Songs

by Consulting_Hobbit_of_Night_Vale



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Apocalypse, Christmas, Christmas Caroling, Christmas Music, Holidays, Whee
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-08 20:29:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5512124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Consulting_Hobbit_of_Night_Vale/pseuds/Consulting_Hobbit_of_Night_Vale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Holiday carols, Night Vale style.<br/>These needed to exist, and I had some interesting ideas. More to be added as I think of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Secret Police Are Watching This Town

SECRET POLICE ARE WATCHING THIS TOWN

No use watching out  
You'd better not try  
They see all, without doubt  
You can't tell a lie  
Secret Police are watching this town

You can pull the blinds down  
Leave your phone in the hall  
Through the ceiling fan mics  
They will still catch it all  
Secret Police are watching this town

They see you when you're sleeping  
They know all your mistakes  
You get lifetime imprisonment  
But the HBO is great!

Oh, no use watching out  
You'd better not try  
They see all, without doubt  
You can't tell a lie  
Secret Police are watching this town

In cacti and trees  
And within your old pets  
On your survival  
They're placing bets  
Secret Police are watching this town

Expertly disguised  
As your furniture  
Taking notes in the night  
Whenever you stir  
Secret Police are watching this town

And through their secret cameras  
They watch us all our lives  
We're like a soap opera to them  
But without any surprise

No use watching out  
You'd better not try  
They see all, without doubt  
You can't tell a lie  
Secret Police are watching this town

They see you when you're sleeping  
They know all your mistakes  
You get lifetime imprisonment  
But the HBO is great!

Oh, no use watching out  
You'd better not try  
They see all, without doubt  
You can't tell a lie  
Secret Police are watching this town  
Secret Police are watching this town  
Secret Police are watching this tooooown!


	2. Deck the Walls With Shawn

DECK THE WALLS WITH SHAWN  
  
Deck the walls with sales employees  
AAH AAH AAH AAH AAH, STREX STREX STREX STREX  
Strew about their hair and teeth  
AAH AAH AAH AAH AAH, STREX STREX STREX STREX  
Paint their blood on every surface  
AAH AAH AAH AAH AAH AAH, STREX STREX STREX   
Oh, this season gives such purpose  
AAH AAH AAH AAH AAH, STREX STREX STREX STREX  
  
The Smiling God is shining brightly  
AAH AAH AAH AAH AAH, STREX STREX STREX STREX  
Playfully remove nails slightly  
AAH AAH AAH AAH AAH, STREX STREX STREX STREX  
Time for winter decorating  
AAH AAH AAH AAH AAH AAH, STREX STREX STREX   
They scream with joy, so loud and grating  
AAH AAH AAH AAH AAH, STREX STREX STREX STREX  
  
Stretch skin over every window  
AAH AAH AAH AAH AAH, STREX STREX STREX STREX  
Widened smiles warm all hearts so  
AAH AAH AAH AAH AAH, STREX STREX STREX STREX  
Laugh through the successive dawns  
AAH AAH AAH AAH AAH AAH, STREX STREX STREX   
Celebrating with the Shawns  
AAH AAH AAH AAH AAH, AAH AAH AAAAAAAAHH--  
_choking sounds of strangulation, followed by the CLANK of a heavy metal object hitting the floor and a voice whispering the resolving note in a fina_ _l_

**STREX**


	3. Here Comes the Apocalypse

HERE COMES THE APOCALYPSE

Here comes the apocalypse  
Here comes the apocalypse  
Making us all die  
Zombie outbreak  
Nuclear leak  
Fire from the sky

Street Cleaning Day  
Rise of R'leyh  
It makes you quiver with fright  
So jump in bed  
Cover up your head  
But know you still will die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the original song had more verses, but when I tried lengthening this version I just couldn't write more verses of the same quality. The apocalypse just doesn't get better than this.


	4. Away In the Station

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize it's after many of the winter holidays, but I'm posting this anyway and may continue to post holiday songs because the ideas are just too cool!   
> Also, I feel the need to warn you that this chapter contains a single swear.

AWAY IN THE STATION

Away in the station  
Microphone in hand  
Dark terrors massacring  
All through the land

I'm powerless to help  
Stuck here in my booth  
I'll broadcast casualties   
Just shy of the truth

I'm told that an intern  
Has died in the fray  
Her editing was good  
Her coffee OK

Traffic is a paradox  
STEVE'S AN ASSHOLE  
Our sponsors are willing  
To sell back your soul 

The hedgehogs have conquered us  
Half the town's dead   
The Oracle's sleeping  
And Khoshekh is fed

My Carlos is making  
Spaghetti tonight  
I'm signing off now  
Goodnight, Night Vale  
Goodnight


End file.
